you wanna know what's fucked up!? I'll tell you whats fucked up! going into a quick stop gas station to be greeted by a fucking bear robbing the joint at gun point! first reaction: get the drink that i came in there for because I've been walking for 4 fucking hours and i told myself! i says: "Dylan! this is WAY to far for a normal man to be walking! good job sailor! you deserve a beverage and not even" I said this!: "Not even a homicidal Bear with a gun can stop you from getting this!" AND WOULDN'T YOU F++KING KNOW IT!? a bear! with a f++king revolver in his dirty little paw! so any whooper i walked up to the counter with $5.95 in my pocket. for a 99 cent drank. the bear seemed undeterred from my presence there. he just stood there and snarled at the unstereotypical cashier with drool running down his lips.... the bear, not the cashier. Indian's don't drool.
i placed my money on the counter and the cashier had - the - GAWL to not take my money!
right!? what an asshole! i thought so too! glad you're on my side! now we can get back to the story! you distracted me!
The cashier mouthed something in his native language. it looked like "hep mye"?...... I'm not sure what that means, maybe i was being proposed to. I informed him of how I just got out of a relationship, am still hurting, and am not ready to explore his gender yet.....yet. the Bear exclaimed "BRAGNARPHRUPPRUPP!" which I was taut in my Bearonese class meant either "Give me all your money." or "your shoe is untied." I saw that the cashier's shoe was in fact untied. how nice of this Bear, sure he robs you at gun point but he wants you to at least look good while he does it.
"$1.05 p-p-please." said the cashier. "sure thing." i said, "and a box of Whoppers for this charming hunk of cuddle." the cashier gave me a perplexed look. "are you fucking serious!?" "Don't take that American accent with me sir!" in said sternly before the Bear yelled: "GIVME RA V++KING GRHOPPERS!!!" i turned towards the Bear, patted him on the back and said "have a nice night my friend." we saluted and i went on my merry way...... come to think of it that wasn't all that fucked up.... hrmm
